I'm trying so hard to concentrate,

My thoughts and feelings fly,

My hands are shaking and I feel weak,

And all I can do is cry.

That one little tablet makes it all worthwhile,

Takes away my gloom,

I look around for my escape,

From four walls inside this room.

The room gets smaller and feels so cramped,

The walls are closing in,

I take a breath to steady myself,

And feel the tears begin.

I am so lonely, I feel so empty,

What kind of life is this?

The rain falls down outside my house,

Yet on my cheeks it will kiss.

I open my eyes and survey my life,

What failures I can see,

And all around me accusations fly,

My best is hard to be.

I give my all and yet I'm not

Happy with my life,

Depression is a long black road,

Scarred with a shining knife.

I wish I could remember,

All the nice things that are said,

But instead they are confined,

To the deepest darkest depths.

For what is brought to the fore,

Are all those hurtful words,

Spoken in anger, spoken in drink,

Like an echo always heard.

My memory is playing tricks on me,

I know I was happy in the past,

We did have good times and laughter too,

The violence couldn't last.

And now it's over, I start my life,

Im no longer your punch bag,

I took a stand, took a chance,

And now I cant be gagged.

So with my meds, I re-build my life,

And dry my tears and cheeks,

I stand proud in all my glory,

For all that I have achieved.

I am a woman, with mind and spirit,

I am a damn good mum,

I hold my head up high and smile,

Good Bye you piece of scum!

I remember one night, a few years ago,

When my phone did ring, and you told me so,

The words you used, cut me deep and true,

When all I wanted was an I love you.

I've tried to forget, but in my mind it wont heal,

Those accusations you threw, still feel so unreal,

I remember sitting on my cold dark floor,

And crying like a baby, until my throat was sore.

Yet in that time, I felt arms so strong,

They held me tight and sang me a song,

Of comfort and love and forever being one,

Forgiveness came quick and away he ran.

With belly so swollen and so full of life,

I looked around, but only found strife,

I needed that love, protection and song,

But found with arms empty I had been so wrong.

My arms were soon filled with the life he had made,

And slowly that hurt and that love did fade,

Until one day, I looked at my son,

And saw his eyes, his smile and his song,

His innocence cried out for mummy and dad,

But found only mummy, no dad to be had,

My baby, my boy, my son and my song,

I still live in hope, that I could have been wrong.

My head touches the pillow,

And I close my eyes,

Dreams follow quickly,

And away I fly,

To the land of never, never,

Where my dreams all come true,

Where the sun always shines,

And I'm with you.

It's an impossible dream,

And yet at the time,

Your arms all around me,

And our love does shine.

That face from a picture,

Is now in my head,

We show our love and joy,

As we tumble to the bed.

Yet with my eyes closed,

I know it's a dream,

We move as one together,

What can this mean?

I'm living for this moment,

Our love feels so strong,

You're touching my lips with love so true,

How can this be so wrong?

You're my fantasy lover,

My dreams all come true,

My eyes flutter open,

Before saying, "I Love You"

She stretches her legs high on the tree,

Her claws look so long, and as sharp as can be,

Her eyes instantly close, with a look of pure joy,

Her spine bends and it stretches like a springy childs toy,

Her body relaxes, as her claws are drawn in,

She curls on the grass and her grooming begins,

She licks her front paws, and brushes her head,

Her ears and her mouth, where she was last fed,

Her legs and her paws are brushed with her tongue,

Removing those knots in her fur thats so long,

Content with her mission she curls up to sleep,

Her eyes flutter closed and her breathing becomes deep,

Her ears still twitch to the sounds all around,

Beezs buzzing by and creatures in the ground,

The hot summer sun pours down on her back,

Shadows grow longer and her muscles grow slack,

The tiny summer flies busily prepare,

Swarming high and then low in the still summer air,

The sun finally grows tired and retires to his bed,

Holly slowly awakens and yearns to be fed,

Oh! What a life to just sleep in the sun,

Content to be fed and enjoy sun and fun,

When Im reborn, I want to be a cat,

I want to sleep and eat and enjoy being fat,

I want to chase flies and invisible air,

I want to wake in the morning with beautiful hair,

I want to stay out all night singing so loud,

I want to wear a studded collar and feel so proud,

I want to eat salmon and drink fresh cream,

Oh! Being a cat would be such a dream.